No idea where I got the energy this morning but I was up at 7:30am with nothing to do with everyone asleep. Flipped through my twitter feed looking for some hope in the world and couldn’t really process anything since I was still half asleep. I didn’t formally wake up until 11:00am when everyone else was finally awake.
I prayed Fajer last night in the living room and was so tired I grabbed a nearby pillow falling asleep in a blink of an eye with my prayer clothes still on. What felt like a little while layer I felt the vibration of a distant explosion as the living floor and windows shook. Being too tired to wake up, I comforted myself so that I could sneak in at least a couple more hours of comforting sleep.
Things didn’t go according to plan for me, the sound of the explosion caused constant nightmares for the next few hours. Add to that the confusion every time, half awake, I peeked through my eye-lids and realized I wasn’t in my room. I was just tired, confused and to be honest, worried. The line between reality and my nightmares was quite blurred.
Slept-in on Friday morning, completely free of guilt because it’s the weekend and hence there is no pressure of needing to feel productive. After Fridays prayers my mom and siblings went to go shopping for Eid clothes. I took advantage of the peace and quite to catch-up on a few things I had on my mind which involved housework in addition to emails and writing to follow-up on.
A couple of nights ago I wasn’t feeling quite sure about life and many things felt out of place. I then remembered the following supplication which I repeated over and over taking deep breaths in.
اللهم اني توكلت عليك وسلمت امري إليك لا ملجأ ولا منجى منك الا اليك
Oh God, I have put my trust in You and surrendered my situation to you, there is no refuge or escape from You except to You
The next day I was taking a nap, those kinds of naps you take because you feel kind of depressed and like there is nothing worth doing in life. I have a pink curtain in my room and so when the lights are off and the sun rays make their way through the window my room becomes a glowing warm pink.
I felt my phone begin to vibrate and started to search for it. I had giving up looking at my iPhone waiting for that email, so my phone was lost somewhere out under the sheets. I looked at my phone and was surprised to see that I was being called by the person I was expecting the email from.
It turns out it was that call.
Tonight I read some of the most beautiful chapters in the Quran starting from Surat Al-Khaf, Surat Mariam and then Surat Taha. I think there are several reasons why I love these chapters so much, all three Surahs cover stories of patience and wisdom. There are stories and characters within these chapters I would like to share.